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January 20, 1998- Amherst, MA
Research released today by a team of doctors has shown conclusively that use of ball point pens is hazardous to your health. The authors determined from a study of patients being treated for heart disease, that nearly 95% of them had come into contact with ball point pens in the 24 hours preceeding their heart failure. The results of this study are sending shockwaves through the writing utensil industry as people rush to dump their stocks of ball point pens.
An excecutive at a leading writing utensil manufacturer, who wished to remain anonymous, speculated that pencils will be hard to find in the coming weeks as people use them as an alternative to pens. "To date, there is no research that shows a similar effect of pencils," the executive stated.
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